Do you ever go to Europe, and decide that the first place you visit is the old Soviet country Bulgaria? Because I did. Why? Because the plane ticket was only 20 fuckin bucks. Actually, on the flight, a Turkish man sat in my seat and didn’t speak english so I just wandered the plane until I found an empty seat. Anyway, Bulgaria. The country is a wonderful place filled with spectacular beauty! 
Anyway, we got off the flight pretty late so the first night we were there we simply got dinner and then went to bed. The first Bulgarian I met was a wonderful man standing outside the airport offering a taxi service. We agreed upon a fixed 25 Bulgarian lev (15 dollars) rate, which apparently was really pricey because our hostel was like 5 minutes away. However, we were in luck, because the taxi cab didn’t take us straight there, he actually gave us a very scenic route of the capital city, Sofia, mostly because he wanted to avoid the “Gypsy Ghetto”. Whew! The man explained the buildings we saw, but I guess every single building was “Very official president building”. We thought the taxi was a bit long actually so we got out about a 15 minute walk away from the hostel. Upon exiting the taxi, a beautiful Bulgarian woman offered me sex for money, what a country! Anyway, we made it to the hostel and were ready to see the rest of this wonderful country. The room we occupied was empty, except for the at least 55 year old man who also was staying at the hostel. Thus, we decided to get some dinner.
The next day we were off!
We decided to walk around the city of Sofia before we went to the food tour we had scheduled. It was kind of funny because Sofia actually has been inhabited since like the Roman times but no one in the city gives a fuck. They literally had an old Roman city excavated and just built a subway around it/through it and the people just did not care. They also had like a 4th Century chapel, however it has an entire building just built around it so you won’t see it from the street.
After touring the city, and receiving about 3 bracelets from random people on the street (?), we met for the free food tour. The meeting spot was at probably the most badass statue of all time.
Notice the absolute gash in this guys head. The dude had this sculpture commissioned after a fucking ASSASSIN struck him with an AXE in an attempt to kill him. The dude survived an axe to the face and fucking made a big rock depicting it! Anyway the food tour was definitely second fiddle to this statue, basically Bulgarians eat a lot of dairy products and hearty beef. Probably because they have a lot of fucking cows. After the food tour we went back to the hostel to change before we decided to go to the bar crawl we had scheduled. Whilst getting ready, I discovered that in Bulgaria, showers are not that important. The hostel’s shower was literally just a shower head that came down from the ceiling in a regular bathroom. It was basically a controlled fire alarm sprinkler. Basically everything in the bathroom was wet because of this, when you turned it on, water got all over the toilet and the sink and any property you may have had in there.
The bar crawl wasn’t actually a bar crawl at all because we were the only people that showed up, so the leader of the bar crawl said fuck it and just told us the bars we would’ve gone too. We ended up at a bar in an old warehouse that was pretty empty because it was like a Tuesday and Bulgarians have fucking work to do. Anyway, the next day we had to go take a bus to Macedonia, so we went home decently early. 
Funny story leaving Bulgaria actually, obviously we couldn’t read fucking Bulgarian so we asked a security guard for help. She radioed another police officer and they began to lead us to what we thought was our bus. Nope. Turns out they thought I was a drug mule and took me to a private room and made me strip down to my underwear while they searched every article of my clothing and every orifice of my backpack. Then we found our bus and went to Macedonia.
QuehlThoughts 